Actually, squiffs, I find after a fifteen-pint Friday night my legs have
real difficulty reaching the ground...

*

A man picks up a woman at a bar and they go back to her place. He notices
some wedding photos on the mantelpiece and when he asks, the woman just
says "Sure I'm married but don't worry, my husband is too stupid to realise
what we're up to!"

Somewhat reassured, the man spends a night of passion with her and leaves
early the next morning, despite the womans words "Don't worry, you don't
have to leave so early, my husband is too stupid to realise what we're up
to!"

He meets her again the next night, and much the same happens again.

The third morning he figures it must be safe so he stays for just 'one more
time' but just as they start, a huge guy, 6-foot 4 and built like Arnie
Schwarzenegger, bursts into the room and shouts "What the hell is going on
here?"

The woman turns to the man and says "See, I told you he's too stupid to
realise what we're up to!"